dreaming of the tropics

I feel like I have so much growing left to do in my life. I have so many flaws and insecurities that I don't even know where to begin fixing myself sometimes. I want life to be peaceful and to have no doubts or worries. I really really want so badly to just be sitting on a tropical beach with no connection to anyone or the outside world.  There is simply one thing I want to do right now: chill.  There is too much to do and such little time to do it in.  Sometimes I get so overwhelmed I just lay on my bed with the fan on and don't do a think for a half hour or more.  Now that's productive. The people of my life are frustrating. And I really love them (well... most of them), but they are stressing me out for various different reasons. I just need time away to breathe and figure out what it is that's going to make me happy without outside pressures or blinded views on what it is that I keep telling myself I want.  I don't even know what it is I want right now.  I want to be happy and content.  There is nothing wrong with my life, but the fact that I'm obsessing over the Bachelorette to the point of searching desperately for internet spoilers possibly shows that I am in dire need of some sort of adjustment.  I don't know what it is that's making everything feel mixed up or out of place.  I am wondering if there is something great I could be doing and I can't bring myself to realize what it is I need to do.  And I think all this craziness is a result of my extreme boredom.  I'm so sick of watching other people's fictional lives on the television.  But man... they are so much more exciting than me. I suppose summer is near to halfway over (or maybe it is already halfway over..?) and I should be excited. Instead I just had the desire to go on a long road trip and explore the world. If only! I hope in my college years ahead I can fine the courage to travel wherever I want to.  I want to experience the world, and put this summer to shame with the adventures I will go on and the places I will explore.  I keep staring at the postcard on my wall with plumerias on it.  That's where I want to be right now... breathing in the tropical air with a plumeria in my hair and watching the sunset over the ocean without a care on my mind. Then again, if we ever were truly carefree... what would life be? Our cares are what keep us passionate and in pursuit of our dreams.  So maybe cares aren't so bad after all. I'll try to stay sane this next month and a half and keep things in perspective.  Because after this lame summer has passed, I can take my dreams and turn them into realities. And maybe, just maybe if I never lose faith, hope, and perseverance that can happen.